How not to get ready for a race

So there was a race in Norwell on the first day of my vacation. Not too many races left on the calendar and I want to upgrade, so I decide to do it.
Mistake one it's about an hour from my vacation spot and I spent the entire last week in my car not on my bike. Recipe for disaster. Legs? Who needs legs.
Strike two, we go out for dinner the night before-2 margaritas and slow service puts me to bed later than I wanted.
Roll out of bed, no time for usual morning routine of dog,coffee, food, shit. I like that routine so I'm stressing.
Dunkin Donuts provides 3 out of the 4 above.
Get to the race and sign in. Go to my bag of gear. Change in the porta potty cause I forgot a towel. Can't find socks. Awesome. Dig out a pair of argyle sock guy socks in my trunk. Tight look. Oh and the rain. Perfect.
Go out to ride some of the course-why isn't my computer working? Oh right, no wheel magnet. I am riding this on my old wheels and I jacked the magnet. Back to the car and I grab a magnet off my good wheels and get to together. More stress.
Warmed up for only about 2 miles or so which is way less than I needed to wake my legs up.
Line up for the race, neutral roll out for about a mile. SRAM support. Always makes you feel pro. One over-inflated tire pops and someone is out of the race 100 meters in. Next is a crash at the back-had to have been at least 3 guys down-in the neutral section. Ouch.
Norwell course is a 2.2 mile loop with a short steep hill-finish is at the top of the hill.
The finish? Your guess is as good as mine. I puked up some margarita leftovers around lap 7 and that was it for me. Not guts, No glory. So much for trying to race when you are in vacation mode. Will try again next year as long as it doesn't line up with beach time.